My emotions are valid
There used to be days when I feel as if nothing is going to be okay.
I was in suspension – uncertain of the life I’ve lived and the future seems blurry and fading. I didn’t see what would happen past 20 years old.
In these moments I have tried to rationalize my emotions – gripping at some existential answer – some proof to validate my emotions. I hold on dearly for some distractions and want someone to tell me that I am okay and that my emotions are valid.
Finally, I learned to turn to myself – to accept that my emotions – the grief, the happiness – is all part of who I am. That these volatile emotions of immense sadness and spontaneous joy are acceptable given what I have gone through. And here I am, feeling 22 like that Taylor Swift song. The blurry future is still blurry, but it is no longer fading – it is an uncertain mess of opportunity, slowly but surely being pieced together again by my own hands.
I am learning to forgive myself for not being perfect. I am learning to accept that being perfect is not what I am striving for anymore, but instead, that to be happy and loving was far more important – to be vulnerable with friends and loved ones, to wear my insecurities and imperfects on my sleeve, and skin proudly, to show the world that I will ferociously love life again.