How am I?

How am I?

If you asked me that this month on the 5th, 7th, 14th, 18th, 20th, or 21st, I might say “okay” or “bad.” Those are the days I cried. The first time I cried this month was when I found out my roommate from Singapore passed away. Every subsequent time I cried this month is from that memory and grief.

But overall, if you asked me “how am I” in my life, I am trending towards ferocious happiness. I am learning to love life again. If not of my own life, then for the life of others – so that I never forget to remind people I love that the matter.

I admit there are lapses of loneliness, grief, sadness, disappointment – like all things in life should be. I try to alleviate my suffering but I have been unable to find a cure for it entirely.

It is a cruel reality for a person who is agnostic when given no answer to this existential question of suffering. But in the face of suffering, I have found not religion, but compassion, love, friendship, happiness, and hope.


3 responses to “How am I?”

  1. I lost a friend a couple of years ago. It really messed me up and made me give up on my own happiness, I felt like I didn’t deserved to live happy when my best friend couldn’t. Finally after 6 years I m trying to find happiness for myself, and it’s really hard but it’s when it gets hard that this kind of words I read from you, give me the strength to keep going and start to truly feel happy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry to hear about your best friend – but I am happy to hear that you are trying to find happiness. I am sending you lots of love. I really do appreciate all your support Rina. I hope you get all the happiness and love you deserve.


  2. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your roommate…

    Liked by 1 person

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